kaujot

11 -

Trevor took an extra curricular
class in combat and
cried out cruelly at the
creosoted fence cloyingly cosying
up to the cobblestoned castle walls.
----------------

12 -

On the 12th day of April
My true love sent to me,

The electric bill.
----------------

13-

When I was a kid,
I stared in the mouth of
greatest road in the world.
They called it The Information Super Highway
and they proclaimed its wonders
with the reverance reserved
for a king.

Changing commerce,
where commerce can be seen to change,
and uniting fellows
from global factions
into
our blessed utopia.

Twenty years, a decade
or two,
have passed us by like truckers
avoiding night owl hitchikers.

Only now the highway is a road
made of pornography,
the vehicles naked ladies
and the hitchhikers
couples fucking and
agreeing a lot with God.

Tim Berner's Lee clutches
in agony, his head
and his head,
fraught at what it has become.
------------------

14-

If I could whine and dine
with any star,
alive or passed,
It'd be one of the really big ones.

Like Aldebaron or Betelguese.

Yes, stars from space. 
Did you think celebrities?!
--------------------

15-
I'm not a betting man,
so it should come as no surprise,
to you or to me,
that I put nothing
on the Grand National racing of horses.
--------------------

16-
Last year I stopped a bit short. 
Though actually,
2014 shines in my face and I recall,
this year is 2016!!  You dingus.

Holy shit 1996 was 20 years ago!
If you're an 80's kid, you'll
remember this and this!

I often wish I'd been alive
in the ninteen sevens,
because then my shitty dancing
would be appropriate for disco.

Disco is my favourite musics
and if you don't want to boogaloo
then please don't speak to me.
--------------------

17-

Trevor sat upon a rock,
reading a tome about gerbils.
He had believed his abode,
so bathed in sun, was
an infestation waiting to pop.

Turns out Trevor was wrong,
and there were nothing
but loose pairs of mittens.
And one large rat.

Trevor cursed.
Rat burst.
Fred Durst.
---------------------

18-

HELP HELP
I JUST PLUGGED MY HEAD
INTO MY COMPUTER
I CAN SEE EVERYTHING
WHAT THE SHIT
THIS IS REALLY HURTING MY BRAIN
IT FEELS LIKE A MILLION ANTS ARE
TEABAGGING MY EYES
I DON'T EVEN
I CAN'T EVEN
THE ENTIRE SPHERE OF KNOWLEDGE
IS IN MY FACE

---------------------

19-

Watching cartoons was always neat,
but if some dude
told me to rate theme tunes,
then it would go
Duck Tales
Dakwing Duck
Chip and Dale
Talespin
within the highest quints.

Life is like a mystery in Duckburg,
like how Ducks can swim through gold?
And why is he eating
those dubloons?

Getting dangerous can only lead
to heartache, Darking Duck.
Please take care and look after
your orphan friend.

Some times some crimes do slip through the cracks
because Chip and Dale are rather small.
They don't have the presence
of regular policemen.

Ooooo eee ahhh.
Oooo eee ohh.
Talespin.
--------------------

20-

A morning off for me today,
A mourning off
for busy feelings.

A happy cup of tea on my desk,
Yikes its hot!
Don't drink that so soon,
you'll burn your throat.

A lazy day of looking at books,
but not reading them
because I couldn't get away with that. 

It's not my job to read books.
Just to put them on shelves.
Why does no one borrow the good stuff?
Please take my books!
Please bring them back!

Where's my flippin security?!

-------------
21-

Why are people so freaked by needles?
I mean, yeah so am I,
but the look of horror at
the silver line inches above the skin.

Eeesh.  I just creeped myself out,
imagining the skin crumple
before popping and allowing metal
to pierce into veins.

Goddamn stop!
stop talking about needles in this way!
Stop picturing the puncture wound
and the beads of blood!

BLEEEEHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

(P.S. 19 is my most favourite ever.)

That's right!  I know it is freaking April.  And you know what that means?????  Yeah.  I have some saved up and here is the best place for these ridiculous ritings!

1-

A terribly jaunty first poem of
the month, this april.

This spring time mariachi band.

Ugh, that sounded way better
inside of my head.  Much like

A mariachi band.


2-

Five fingers
five toes
five swingers
five foes.

A dance to the night
A jog to a car.
A turn to the right
A house left too far.

The seventh home along
Right on the street border.

"Sir you're a stalker,
here's a restraining order."


3-

I spotted a small flower
growing
between cement cracks
and a small patch of sand.

They grow anywhere flowers.
Like, I was staring at a wall.
Flowers!

Weeds are a type of flower,
aren't they?
They just grew up on the wrong side of the bricks.
Ha!  They probably did actually.

4-

Trevor trevor
woke from a coma

Trevor trevor
Returns to home a

Trevor trevor
staining glass trousers.

5-

Did you ever dream
That you difted beyond the
edge of know space?

Did you ever pray
That your wildest adventures
might happen?

Planets and stars align
and I find myself orbiting a super giant.

How the heck
did I end up here?

6-

Trevor Bettings was a man of vices
Especially loved his sauces and rices.

Trevor Bettings fought a dear.
Trevor Bettings rode a steer.

Trevor Bettings; the legend and myth.
Trevor Bettings talks some shif.

7-

My scanner bleeps every day.

So many books.
I should open a library.

No this is a library.

Oh yeah, thats why
I have a book scanner.

No wonder there are so many overdues.


8-

A favourite dish
for a tasty fish.

Probably something with mercury in.  I'm not sure.  Don't they have strange mercury infested fish in lakes because of vaccines? I can't keep up withy the news these days it seems everything is out to get you and I just like holing up in my cabin with my tasty meals.

A tasty fish dish.
Sprinkled with mercury.

9-

A chaste fountain, litter
remains steeped away
from the guilded edges of the base.

Water,
in its many solid forms, erupts
like vesuvious calling to
its brothers,
from central pillars.

circles of copper twinkle
ripples of dreams and wishes
adorn the transparency
of hopeful tides.

Oh great, a bird just shat in it.

10-

The great god of feet, hermes himself,
could not find a better deal on
these goddam shoes!

Look at them for christ's sake!
They're all red and they have rubber soles
and goddamn groovy green laces.

Shit.  I don't think I've ever seen
a nicer pair.  Only £50?  Shit!
Buy those fucking shoes before
you end up in the gutter wishing
that life had turned out differently.

You are going to regret this,
I promise you.

These fucking shoes, man!  Just don't
stand there with your dick in the wind
and buy these mother shitting shoes!!

The Misappropriation of Henry Jumper

Henry Jumper and his wonderful cat,
(an orangish moggy with a white fur hat)
set off on an adventure to see Pisa!
But forgot they needed an animal visa!
Spending hours upon months cooped up in a cage
Henry remembered the world was but a stage,
and as player one he entered the cheat code,
and saved himself and his little cat: "Chode"

Henry Jumper and his orange Chode
took to the road and they rode and they rode.
The veterinarian's bike was a rusted old sort,
But perfectly adventurous for a man and cohort
to visit Europe and all of its sights,
But the pair of miscreants were naught but some blights
A pair of criminals without the appropriate paperwork
(And to be quite honest with you, Chode was a jerk!!)

They scampered through Italy being pests
Chode attacked humans and Henry ate vests,
But at long last they had made it to the titled tower
And they hung around Pisa for only an hour.
When the time was up they went back on the lam!
And Henry began thinking of a marvellous scam.
They would sell cheap merch from the back of the van
And will cause as much trouble as they possibly can.

missing you!